I've never been much of a planner. I'm very comfortable with last minute spontaneity, which comes in handy in lots of areas of my life. I get bored easily with routine. I have gotten better at scheduling as I have gotten older and developed more appreciation for the security of a routine but flexibility has alway been a friend of mine. Or so I thought.....
To say that my Love and I were completely shocked at finding out about baby number 4 on the way after 12 years since our last "baby",would be completely untrue. Though my enthusiasm was certainly masked by my nearly constant nausea, my Love was generally ecstatic. His constant strength and faith was my saving grace early on. To be completely honest, I found myself wandering around the house in a fog, repeating things like, "This is stupid","I'm turning 39","Really??!". Not to mention, I found myself a little embarrassed when relaying the news to family, friends and acquaintances after hearing initial responses like,"Was it a surprise?" and "Wow!...How old is your youngest?", "Better you than me.", not very many congratulations. However, I have to say that my parents' and sisters' responses are my absolute favorites to recall.
I had my parents on speaker phone, and to my releif, they screamed, laughed and cried at the same time. I could feel their genuine happiness for me and it was such a blessing. Both of my sisters did the same thing. Oh! It blessed my heart!
Fairly and providentially speaking, I do have a couple of good friends who were around my age when they birthed children, and they expressed heartfelt congratulations. Food for my soul. The only kind that didn't make me sick!
So, were we surprised? Not really, after all, this was no immaculate conception. Was it all planned out by my Love and I? Not exactly. The only one who knew the plan all along and is never surprised is God Almighty. I placed my future in his hands many years ago and I rest in knowing that he loves me. He has a plan and a purpose for me and for this precious one I carry and he has had it in his mind's eye since before I can even imagine.
One nauseatingly early morning a few months ago,while I was having some quiet time, trying to make sense of all that I was feeling, God lead me to a book on my shelf and a quote inside. It gave me such comfort and it renewed my strength enough for me to say,"It doesn't have to make sense to me. It makes sense to God and I trust in Him."
The Greatest Force
When God wants a great work done in the world or a great
wrong righted, he goes about it in a very unusual way.
He doesn't stir up his earthquakes or send forth
his thunderbolts. Instead, he has a helpless baby born,
perhaps in a simple home and of some obscure mother.
And then God puts the idea into the mother's heart,
and she puts it into the baby's mind. And then God waits.
The greatest forces in the world are not the
earthquakes and the thunderbolts. The greatest forces
in the world are babies.
E.T. Sullivan
I read that and I wept. I wept at my lack of faith, I wept at God's personal love and tenderness for me, and for the many joyous things to come that are yet unknown to me.
9 Months and Counting,
Poppy
